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Java 24 released

Oracle, the company owned by a guy who purchased a huge chunk of the Kingdom of Hawaii from the Americans, has released Java 24. I’ll be honest and upfront: I just don’t care very much at all about this, as the only interaction I’ve had with Java over the past, I don’t know, 15 years or so, is either because of Minecraft, or because of my obsession with ancient UNIX workstations where Java programs pop up in the weirdest of places. I know Java is massive and used everywhere, but going through the list of changes and improvements does not spark any joy in me at all, and just makes me want to stick my pinky in an electrical socket to make something interesting happen.

If you work with Java, you know all of this stuff already anyway, as you’ve been excitedly trying to impress Nick from accounting with your knowledge of Flexible Constructor Bodies and Quantum-Resistant Module-Lattice-Based Key Encapsulation Mechanisms because he’s just so dreamy and you desperately want to ask him out for a hot cup of coffee, but you’re not sure if he’s married or has a boy or girlfriend so you’re just kind of scoping things out a bit too excitedly and now you’re worried you might be coming off as too desperate for his attention.

Anyway, that’s how offices work, right? I’ve never worked for anyone but myself and office settings induce a deep sense of existential dread in me, so my knowledge of office work, and Java if we’re honest, may be based a bit too much on ’90s sitcoms and dramas. Whatever, Java 24 is here. Do a happy dance.

10 Comments

  1. 2025-03-19 8:44 pm
  2. 2025-03-19 8:48 pm
    • 2025-03-19 11:09 pm
      • 2025-03-20 2:33 pm
  3. 2025-03-19 10:38 pm
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  5. 2025-03-20 9:36 am
    • 2025-03-20 9:39 am
      • 2025-03-20 9:04 pm

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