Setting up phones is a nightmare
Have you bought and set up a new phone for someone else lately, especially someone less technologically savvy? It’s a bit of a nightmare, with an endless list of confusing steps and dark patterns trying to trick you into signing up for all kinds of services. Joel Chrono (he took his username from the best game ever made) just went through this experience, with new Samsung phones for his parents, and it wasn’t great.
Without me, my parents would have ended up creating at least one extra Samsung account. Cloud services like OneDrive or Google Photos would be sucking up files and copying them to their servers, getting filled up with the data and then asking them to subscribe to unlock more storage a couple of months down the line.
Left on their own, my parents may be seeing ads popping up constantly in OneUI, as well as browsing the web without an adblocker, they would be using default applications that don’t work as reliably, that track whatever they do to a certain degree.
And of course, all of those AI assistants would be listening in in the background. It really is a nightmare out there, and it’s not only affecting my parents, it affects all of those unaware of the dangers that these practices bring. It’s a mess all around.
↫ Joel Chrono
In this particular case it involves Samsung phones, but the same applies to phones from other brands and even with other operating systems. Do you want to login with these accounts? Please add your credit card and all your personal information! Set up tap-to-pay so we can see where you buy what! Do you want to subscribe to our music service? Do you want access to our streaming service? What about the premium versions? Need more online storage? You’re only getting 5GB for free, so if you don’t want to lose those priceless pictures of your grand kids you should really upgrade to 1TB! Have you checked out our application store yet? And don’t worry, if you say no to any of these questions we’ll keep pestering you about them with notifications, fullscreen interstitials and banners in the settings application until your brain dissolves to mush!
I have a collection of about a million PDAs, from the early days up until the very fanciest models from right around when the iPhone and Android started taking off. Of course, they’re in storage so virtually always out of battery, but when I do turn any of them on, their onboarding process couldn’t be simpler. Tap a few locations on the screen to calibrate the touch layer, set the date and time, and that’s it – you’re at the home screen ready to go. I wish modern smartphones were similar. I wish the greedy bean counters were told to pound sand and the user interface specialists took over again.
My wife and I have two young boys, 3 and almost 5. One day, I’ll be the out-of-touch dad or grandpa and I’ll need their help to set up my brain implant chip or whatever. I hope it won’t involve upsells for streaming services.
